it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
