Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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