Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
