a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
