You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just tell him i said nine months
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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