I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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