Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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