There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
