dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
