Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize