You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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