Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
