I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize