Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
