i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bring me that man meat
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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