your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
