I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
