please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
