Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Operation Purity has been aborted
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
