this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize