Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
