My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
