Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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