this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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