the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
