Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize