It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
