Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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