I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize