He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
