if only i could text you this smell
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
