and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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