i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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