i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
