The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
