All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
