Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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