Pants 0. Shit 1.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
