I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
