just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i now understand why vodka
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
