I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
