I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
