Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize