My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
