Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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