Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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