the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
