I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
