Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
