i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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