in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
