My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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