Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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