I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
