sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
