chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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