Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
