he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
