bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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