Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
