Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
