I'm really into asian looking animals
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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