Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize