Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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