I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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