What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize